Human Design: Living with a Projector

By Cindy Okroj | August 15, 2018

Is Happily Ever After Just a Fairy Tale?

Let’s face it, marriage can be challenging. Wouldn’t it be better to say “and they worked hard to live happily ever after” rather than just “they lived happily ever after” in the fairy tales we have come to believe and chase as a society? We are not given a manual for a successful marriage. When I learned about Human Design in 2012, I was excited because it was like having a manual to better understand myself and my partner! You see, I am a Generator and he is a Projector. We are ‘hardwired’ differently which can make for interesting times!

Wouldn’t you love to learn secrets and insights to better understand yourself?

How about understanding your partner and family members with an intention to improve your daily life and the success of your relationships?

Living with a Projector can be tough, at least that is what I used to think. Projectors are about 24% of the population. They are designed to be the managers and directors of the world. If you are living with a Projector you may feel like:

They like to tell you what to do
They see right through you
They are always giving advice – whether you asked for it or not, or wanted it or not
They can run circles around you – or not
They have trouble going to sleep or staying asleep
They have limited self-awareness
They think you should act on their advice
They think you should hang on their every word; and hear everything they have to say, but don’t always do the same for you

Communication issues can be a challenge for Projectors

They have so much wisdom to share, but so often do not feel heard or valued for what they have to impart. This can create a feeling of bitterness.

My husband and I were introduced by mutual friends on a double date. We exchanged phone numbers and said it would be nice to get to know each other at the end of the evening. I was patient for a while. I invited my husband into our relationship by making the first follow-up call! Little did I realize that this was the best way for him to enter our relationship.

He seemed to innately know that waiting to be invited was the right strategy for him to get a new job. When I learned about Human Design, I realized that my husband’s jobs often showed up as invitations “Come work for us.” Before learning this, however, I was bemused by his waiting and wondering why he did not take more initiative when a job change seemed necessary or imminent. It made so much sense after I learned about a Projectors Human Design strategy. You see, Projectors need to “wait to be invited” to the big things in their life, such as work and a relationship.

In the early days of our marriage, we were often challenged by the different approaches we had for communication and life. I am so happy that I have had Human Design to help me understand our differences because we have been able to bridge those differences through mutual understanding and love.

What I have learned from living with a Projector

DO: Give them recognition

Invite and allow them to talk, ramble and say what is on their mind to you. Why? As they talk, they get to ‘see’ their thoughts reflected through your energy, and in this way, they see if what they are talking about has real value. This is how they learn to “know” themselves and work through potential decisions.

I was able to become patient with my husband’s strong desire for me to listen to him. Once I understood that it is important for him to see his thoughts reflected through my energy, it was easy. Through conversation with you and others, Projectors often gain self-awareness! Give appreciation to your Projector for what they are sharing.

DO: Invite them to events, parties, etc.

And give them time to process the invitation, to know if it is right for them.

DO: Setup and facilitate invitations for them.

Help them do what they want to do with your energy (if you are not a projector). Use your energy if you are a Manifestor, generator or manifesting generator to support them. For example, Send out their job applications, so they can be invited to an interview.

DO: Be patient.

Understand that they may be waiting for the next big invitation. Don’t judge their process, it may be different from yours. Projectors are not lazy, often just waiting. Pushing them may be counterproductive. Of course, during the waiting period, it is possible to have to take actions like taking a job just to pay the bills. They may also be preparing for the next big invitation.

DO: Ask open-ended questions of a Projector.

Projectors take some time to process answers to yes/no questions, and you may wait a long time. A great phrase is “I am wondering… (how you slept last night; what do you think about…) With open-ended questions, they also can hear their truth out loud.

DO: Encourage your Projector to go to bed before they are tired.

It may take some time for them to discharge energy they feel and are amplifying from the people they have been around during the day, and be able to get a good night’s sleep. If they wait until they are tired to go to bed, they may not rest well, or have difficulty getting to sleep.

DO: Understand they have good intentions.

This includes times when they share their wisdom and information, even if you don’t feel ready to hear it.

DON’T: Projectors do best sleeping alone.

When not sleeping with someone with a sacral motor. Given that 70% of us are Generators or Manifesting Generators, there may be a high chance of this issue in a relationship. This allows them to discharge the energy they may have picked up from others.